'cause I'm broken [Leah]

[Maddox Greydon]

Maddox flicked through the pages of staves and music notes, keeping his eyes firmly fixed on the titles of the pages. He refused to look down at the actual music, knowing that it would confuse the hell out of him and then he'd only get frustrated. The pages rustled between his hands, and he glanced over at the dark-haired girl beside him. “I've never heard of any of these songs,” he muttered, returning his gaze to the smooth, white pages. He wasn't used to handling anything this expensive either; he still regarded the computers in the lab, the instruments in the studios, and the crockery in the cafeteria with wary vigilance, and even this book, with its bright, crisp pages scared him a little. People back in Chicago had always hated him touching expensive things, even when he wasn't planning to break or steal them. Even if they didn't own the things themselves they didn't want him near them, which had never made sense to Maddy.

And now this place. The people treated him like a person. A bipolar, potentially dangerous, very gay person, but still, a person. And it was new, and disorientating, and confusing and he didn't have a clue where he stood. Back home, he'd understood everything. His mind had had a very simple set of instructions: shiny things=money. Money=food. Food=good. Singing=good. Hot boys=good. Cops=bad. And now, there were security people wandering about all over the place, but they didn't give you filthy looks as you passed. The staff weren't snobs either, from what he'd seen of them, and all the equipment was new and shiny and still there. This place was nuts.

A page caught his eye as he went to shut the book in exasperation, and he jumped, opening it again at a random page. He was nowhere near the song he'd noticed, and so he cycled hastily back through the pages, frowning, his eyes scanning each song name, until he found the one he was looking for: Broken, by Seether. It had vocals by some other singer as well, so Leah could sing. And the piano music was well within her grasp, from what he'd seen of her playing. “Here,” he held out the book to her. “How about this one? It's fairly mellow, what d'you think?” he watched her anxiously, hoping she'd agree. He didn't want to have to learn some strange song and rehearse it about a million times before their recording.

[Leah Wright]

Leah swung her legs as she watched the dark-haired boy flip through her song book. She was slightly worried that he'd crumple the pages of her most important possession, but he seemed to be treating it with care. As he flicked through the pages, her eyes scanned the music unconsciously, and she could hear the song in her head; a bar of meaningless, pretty black lines would make sense to her. She had grown up reading music, and couldn't remember a time when she hadn't been able to understand it. It was a way of sharing something beautiful with others - when you couldn't express your emotions verbally, you could sing. Or at least play piano.

As Maddox slammed the book shut, she winced, twitching her arm towards the pretty white binding. It had been a present when she passed her grade six exams for singing and piano; her parents had given it to her. Her name was on the front of the hardback; the pages inside clipped into the ring binding. That meant that she could add new songs when she wanted, something she loved the idea of. And he had just slammed it shut? She was about to grab the book back as he flicked it open again, making her roll her eyes. What was wrong with him? Some weird sort of OCD where he had to damage her book? Probably.

He seemed to be looking for something specific, however, and she watched with interest as he hurried through the pages. The one he stopped on made her curse internally; why hadn't she thought of that before? It was a song that she was at least willing to sing, even if she didn't love it. And she could play the piano for it pretty well, although they'd still need a recording for the rest of the instruments; acoustic guitar, drums and base. She scanned the music and words; Maddox would have the lead, but she'd be singing while playing some hard stuff. Humming the tune to herself, she took the book from him carefully and drifted towards her keyboard, at the foot of the bed.

Seating herself at the bench, she hit a couple of the first cords and smiled to herself. " Yeah. Surprised you liked it though. You seem to be a music snob. " She smiled, hopefully letting him know that she was joking, and played a few scales on the keyboard. " You know the words? I need the book to play... " She settled it on the stand, clipping the page in place so it wouldn't flutter away. Always annoying halfway through a song. It was quite a short piece, and she knew she could sing it perfectly. It was just the piano she was unsure about, and the multi-tasking. Without waiting for a reply, she hit the first few notes halfway through the song, when the female voice began, and sang it quietly. Yes, she sounded good. Hopefully, Maddox would be a good singer as well, otherwise... That'd be very annoying.

" Cause I'm broken, when I'm lonesome, and I don't feel right when you're gone away. "

[Maddox Greydon]

She seemed pleased enough with his choice. She'd smiled, looking relieved when he showed it to her, and that was always a good sign. Unless she was planning to beat him up and enjoy it, but, ever the optimist, he leaned towards 'pleased with his choice'. He waited anxiously for her to speak, all the while wondering about the music in her book. he hadn't heard of most of it, and it all looked like classical, boring shit to him, but finding a Seether song in there had cheered him up. His respect levels had gone right up as well. He was just glad he knew the tune to it, and wouldn't be expected to read the music in order to learn it. Singing the first lines softly to himself (I wanted you to know...), he nodded, satisfied. That was it, alright.

She was being overly protective of the book, he thought. She held it like it was made of glass, as thought it might have crumbled in his hands had she not taken it off him as quickly. He didn't mind the protectiveness; people always became possessive when he was around. but it was a book, for Christ's sake! Why did she care so much about it? All it had were song lyrics and stupid squiggles that didn't make any sense... but one day, they would. They'd told him that they'd be able to teach him to understand it, but he doubted it. The little symbols wriggled away from him on the page, made his head ache in that spot just behind his eyes, made him want to hurl it across the room. He wondered if he'd get in trouble for that. Then he wondered if he'd be able to sneak the book out with him. Then he realised that a) there'd be no-one to sell it to, and b) he didn't need to feed himself any more. It was weird. He often felt like they were trying to make him fat. Maybe they were trying to make it so he couldn't run away if he got caught breaking the rules? Or did they just want him to be so fat he couldn't escape? Maddy didn't have a clue. He didn't know how these people's minds worked. How could he? He was a person, they were snobs. He'd never understand.

Leah was happy enough. humming the tune to herself- he had to admit that her voice sounded good- she played a few bars of the song on her keyboard, seemingly satisfied with the results. They'd need to get someone to play the other instruments, though. This work was supposed to be in pairs, but maybe they could get recordings. The idea of having a backing track was entirely new to him, and he stopped for a moment to contemplate how it would feel to sing into a mic, with only her piano accompaniment and a recording. It would be an... interesting experience, he decided.

She spoke to him again, and what she said surprised the crap out of him. "A snob? I am not. No way. How am I a snob? Musically or... any other way?" then he noticed she was smiling, and felt embarrassed. "Sorry. Yeah, I do know the words. I've performed it loads before..." Yeah, performed. On the street, in front of a skeptical audience of other kids and irritated adults who'd thrown a few coins his way and never spared him a second glance. She started to sing, and he joined in softly from the bed on cue, joining in. And I don't feel right when you're gone away...

[Leah Wright]

Leah smiled to herself as they continued the song. This was pretty...what was the word? Corny? Like something out of a crappy Hollywood movie. She supposed that was what being a singer was being about - singing, sometimes with other people - but she was still nervous in case her voice faltered. That'd happened once before, at her high school when she was singing a solo in a talent show. She'd completely forgotten the words...most embarrassing moment ever, to be sure. She'd still won, when she finally managed to get her act together and, y'know, sing. But for those three seconds, where the backing track had started but she hadn't, well... She could have died. Quite happily.

A minute or so in, there was a pause in the lyrics; mainly playing guitar, with a few bits on keyboard. She'd have turned to Maddox to talk to him for that brief period of time, but she was still playing softly. This would have been so much better on an actual piano, rather than a keyboard, but she supposed it'd be tricky to haul a grand piano into her room. Smiling at the thought, she decided that next time they practiced, they'd have to go to the actual music studios. There, they had microphones as well; which they'd need to use for the recording. Leah hated actually recording her own voice, worrying that she'd play it back and it'd be terrible. She could just imagine being summoned to the head teachers office, and told that she'd have to leave, because she was such an awful singer. Then she'd be forced to go back to being under house arrest, which would actually drive her insane.

" So, you've performed? That's cool. Where? " Leah somehow couldn't picture him on a stage, somehow, it was just... Well, it actually made her want to laugh a little. It was just the contrasting ideas of Maddox and suits. They didn't fit. Oh; but he was a rock singer, wasn't he? What did they wear when they performed? She wasn't sure, having never been to one of those concerts herself. Maybe she should go? Snorting at the thought of her, at a rock concert, she realized that there were about five seconds less of the pause and she needed to ask another question. " And, um, how come you're here? I mean, don't-answer-if-you-don't-want- Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome... " Now they'd have to wait until the end of the song until she got a reply. Leah hoped that he wasn't there because he was a sadist. That'd be very, very bad, and she'd have to make up a reason why she had to leave (her own room) and go and cry somewhere.

[Maddox Greydon]

Maddy felt like an idiot. Back home, they'd never just... burst into song like this. It was like something out of a bad Bollywood movie. Only with less bellydancing. There was no way he was going to belly dance. Leah might, but he doubted it. Maddox wondered if there were any belly dancers at this school. It creeped him out, but it looked kind of cool. If only guys did it, that would be hot. But he'd never seen a guy bellydancing, and he doubted he ever would. Shaking his head to bring him back to reality, he realised that he hadn't missed anything, but still. He'd spaced out. Why did he do that? This place was turning him soft. He'd never have been caught daydreaming about bellydancing guys in Chicago. Except, perhaps, late at night when he couldn't sleep... There he went again.

Leah was smiling slightly, seeming to find something funny. Maybe it was the cheesiness of the situation. Maybe she wasn't paying attention what was going on around her at all, and she'd just remembered something funny. Maddox continued humming along to the music, even though there were no lyrics to be sung. He liked this song, it was calming. Even if it did have depressing lyrics. He wondered if he'd ever actually be allowed to touch the instruments, or if they were just there for show, to prove how rich this place was. He itched to get up to the microphone, but what was more appealing to him had been the ibanez guitar. It leaned up against the wall with no-one using it or even looking at it, all its beauty gone to waste.

Uh... Performing. "Oh, y'know. Around. In... Chicago," he flushed, then looked at her defiantly. "Out of the streets, actually. I was bought in here for busking without a license. I'm here 'cause I'm bipolar. And... addictive personality disorder." There, it was out. She could make of that what she would. Or that's what Maddy would have though, had he been literate enough to do so. His thoughts just went something more like 'ok, she knows, she can deal. Or I'll leave. "What about you?" he asked quietly, but she'd started singing again.

[Leah Wright]

Leah blinked slightly. Performing on the streets? Her main thought was ' ...huh ' before she reprimanded herself not to be such a snob. Just because he was a street performer. He was still a pretty good singer. She wondered what grade he was at, before realizing that street performers tended not to take grades. Usually. It wouldn't hurt to ask, once they'd finished the song. Well, unless he really hated being asked that particular question. Then it might hurt, because he was about a foot taller than her. Internally cursing her mother for giving her the midget gene, she continued playing but with slightly less enthusiasm now. She could hear the decreasing quality of her voice and playing; she missed a few keys because she wasn't fully concentrating.

It was his question that had unsettled her. ' What about you? ' She had barely registered that he was bipolar, and had addictive personality whatever. She'd just been thinking, because she genuinely wasn't sure. Why was she there? Obsessive love, apparently, which she didn't agree with. And obsessive compulsive disorder; which she also disagreed with. Leah had the feeling that it was more to do with attacking Louise in a public place. And maybe linked to that time she'd tried to kill herself because of... Anyway. Trying to focus her attentions on the keyboard and vocals, she played slightly better but it was obvious her heart wasn't in the music.

When the song was finally over, she went to lean back in her chair before realizing that that would most likely cause her to flip off backwards and most likely break something she was fond of, such as her spine, or her neck. Both of which she wanted to keep, to be honest. Turning on the bench, she faced Maddox with a thoughtful expression. " Well... I don't really know why I'm here. I was mis-diagnosed with...some stuff, and I got into a fight. " Should she tell him about the 'some stuff'? He was going to ask anyway... But obsessive love sounded scary. " Yeah, my shrink said I have obsessive love...and OCD. But I don't. " After pausing for a moment, she decided to ask her own questions. " What's playing on the streets like? And what do you get addicted to? " She assumed that addictive personality disorder meant you were addicted to things; anyway. It would be stupid if it meant something like 'hallucinations'.

[Maddox Greydon]

Her enthusiasm seemed to be draining out of her, and he wondered what was wrong. He kept singing quietly, slightly embarrassed. If the guys back home could see him, sat alone in a room singing with this girl... He could imagine the remarks they made. They were great fun to be around, but not too good with the witticisms. Nor was he, for that matter, but now he was at a posh, snobby school, he felt justified in looking down on them with a kind of amused pity. These thoughts led him to look Leah up and down. She was good-looking, he supposed, nice figure and good hair. Long, dark. Straight. Pretty eyes. But there was nothing that particularly hit him as it sometimes did with certain guys. He didn't get the attraction in pussy; half the time his friends didn't even seem to use that part, preferring blowjobs, which confused Maddy. If you were going to get someone to suck you off, what did it matter what sex they were? But hey, people's minds worked strangely.

But as for this girl, he didn't really feel the need to go over and bang her or anything, as he knew some of his old friends would have admitted to wanting to do. he could almost hear Jake muttering in his ear about the things he'd do to Maddy's new music partner. Maddy quickly blocked out the thought. They might have mind-reading technology here. It wasn't likely, but he'd never listened in physics when he did go to school, so why not? Or did that kind of thing come under biology or chemistry? Whatever. They could have them, they could easily afford them- this girl had a keyboard in her room, for God's sake! Back in Chicago, all they'd had was a keyboard, one drum and an old acoustic guitar between the five of them. Maddy hadn't known how to play it, but Sam had been able to coax the occasional chord out of it. Sometimes even a whole song.

She didn't seem keen to answer him. She was frowning slightly as she played, and he wondered what was wrong. She then started to talk again, and he relaxed. it was just her mental-ness that was bothering her. That was OK, he'd only asked to be polite. Didn't really care, to be honest. But she did, and she told him. "Mis-diagnosed? That's a bitch, but I suppose this place is OK. Better than home, for me." He leaned back in his chair, tilting it so the back rested against the wall, precariously balanced on two legs just as she had been doing before suddenly dropping back onto four. Her question drew a laugh out of him. "Anything. Everything. Drugs, sex, drink, gambling was the big one. That's why we were busking, actually. I owed some bastard a pile of cash and couldn't pay it all off... but I never have to, now." He hoped he hadn't scared her off. He wanted to make friends here, and starting off with ones he wouldn't shag then get awkward with seemed like a pretty good idea to him.

[Leah Wright]

Leah absently flipped the pages of her music book again until she found anothrt song. She began to play the keyboard again, this time more slowly. She changed the song to one that Maddox probably wasn't familiar with; it was a female vocalist so he wouldn't have been singing it on the streets or anything. Good Enough by Evanescence.

There was a long intro - over a minute - leaving Leah with more than enough time to hide her expression and cast away the mental pictures of Louise, and then, the ones of Mark. She closed her eyes for a second at her last memory of him; in court, his hand sliding over his throat in a very obvious 'you're dead' movement. Her hands faltered over the keys and she snapped her eyes open, concentrating on the song once more.


. Suddenly, she realized the irony of the lyrics - ' I feel good enough for you to love me too. ' Like she'd ever felt good enough for him. Louise, sure. But Mark had tried to make her feel bad, apparantly. Got a kick out if making her hate herself. Sighing, she changed the song - Love Story, Taylor Swift, couldn't get depressed from that one - and focused on what Maddox was saying, clearing her mind of all Mark-related badness.

" You didn't like your home, then? How come? " Leah realized that could be considered slightly intrusive abd blushed. " Sorry. Didn't mean to ask personal questions or anything. " Deciding if was best to just carry on and hope that her glaring social error was going to be ignored, she laughed at her answer to her other question. Apparantly, her new music partner was addicted to 'drugs, sex, gambling and drink'. Nice. " And that's...nice? " She laughed. " I'm good with words, you might have gathered. "

[Maddox Greydon]

Maddy sighed softly, watching her as her hands played over the keyboard. A thought stole into his mind, unbidden, unlikely, but still, it was worth a try... "I, uh... can you... you wouldn't be able to... I mean, could you..." he was blushing furiously, and he glanced down at his hands. He was in the middle of a downward swing in his mood; by tomorrow, he'd probably hate himself for this. If only he'd been able to ask a few days ago, it wouldn't have bothered him at all. Goddamnit! "You couldn't teach me to play piano, could you? Just a little bit, I mean, not, like, concert standard. I'd like to be able to play an instrument as well as singing..." the words came out in a jumbled rush, and he bowed his head, knowing his face was red with embarrassment. He refused to look up, refused to see her reaction, not wanting to know what she'd say. She'd laugh, he knew she would. He was a street rat, there was no way she'd ever let him touch her precious piano, no way he was smart enough to learn anything worth knowing.

"And also..." his treacherous mouth went on, "I'd like to know how you read music. It doesn't make any kind of sense to me, but you're really good at reading it and you know how it works, and I really want to know..." he looked up now, knowing and hating the fact that his eyes were filled with desperate pleading. Not to say yes, but to keep a straight face. If she laughed at him, he wouldn't be able to cope with it. His mood was on a rapid downfall, and the added humiliation of having a girl laugh at him would be too much for him to bear for the day.

She seemed a little embarrassed herself, though, which made him feel minutely better. "Don't worry about it. I'm hardly the best either." There. He'd said all he had to say, and she could take it or leave it. If she laughed, he might just cry, though; he felt like crying already, although that was with humiliation, not sadness. And if he was going to cry, he had to leave. And not say another word to anyone until he was sure his voice wouldn't crack.

[Leah Wright]

Leah stopped playing and turned around at Maddy's words. The poor guy sounded upset, and...scared? She wanted to jump up and hug him, but didn't want to scare him. She knew that it would scare her if some random person that she'd known for about half an hour randomly jumped up and hugged her. In fact, she'd probably scream and burst into tears. ' PTSD for the win! ' She listened to his words with an expression of concern on her face; he sounded really embarrassed. He looked it, as well, blushing like her when she fucked up when she was playing for someone. " Of course I'll teach you! I mean, I'll try... " She bit her lip. If she was completely honest, she was crap at teaching, but that wouldn't inspire confidence in Maddy.

" I'm not...that sure how to teach piano, but I will try! " She bit her lip, trying to stop a smile. He wanted to play keyboard as well as he sang? " The thing is, it takes...quite a while to learn keyboard, and you sing really well. It's taken me like, seven years or so just to get to this level. " She hoped that Maddy would take it the right way.

And he wanted to learn to read music? Leah couldn't resist getting up and sitting beside him on the bed, wondering how exactly she could hug him. She wasn't that fond of hugs herself - reminded her too much of...that - but she smiled at him instead, hoping he'd somehow get the psychic message that she wanted to hug him, but was too scared. " Yeah, I'll teach you how to do that! It's pretty easy, once you know how... Thanks. " He thought she was good at reading music? She smiled to herself. He was so sweet. A liar, but a really sweet one. She wasn't good at reading music; she was average. Mediocre.

" It's really confusing when you start, but after a few tries - okay, like a million tries of writing out the same notes repeatedly - it just...clicks. " It had for her, anyway. She remembered when she'd learnt; her mothers friend, Lucy, had been the one to teach her. She was a great pianist herself. Leah missed her.

[Maddox Greydon]

She looked worried. What the fuck business did she have looking worried? There was nothing to be fucking worried about. Unless she wanted to laugh but was scared he'd kill her. That was probably it. She was probably afraid he was going to leap up and strangle her if she laughed at him, and... oh. OK, well. That was... nice. "Oh, that's fine," he mumbled, still slightly embarrassed. She'd taken it so much better than he'd been expecting her to. Then he looked up with a mischievous smile. "I meant I'd like to be able to do both, not play as well as I sing. Thanks, by the way."

His heart beat hard with relief and excitement. She came and sat next to him, and he glanced at her, unsure whether he was supposed to do something. He almost wanted to hug her. She was being so lovely, as though he wasn't being an idiot for just asking, and if he'd known her a little better, he would have hugged her. As it was, he was too shy, and worried that might put her off teaching him. He also wasn't sure whether she'd have a breakdown or something. Some kids were like that when they got touched, especially here.

He relaxed when she spoke again. "Great! Thanks... I, uh... I'm not very good at writing," he admitted, red staining his cheeks again. Oh, of course. To learn to do something he couldn't do, he'd have to do something else he couldn't do. Maybe he'd have to stick to singing and- he thought with a glow of pride- playing keyboard. "I mean... They're not really proper words or anything, are they? Just little shapes. I can manage that." He hoped. The shapes seemed simple enough, but there were so many of them, and they all meant different things. It made everything so different, so difficult.

[Leah Wright]

Leah giggled quietly. She'd been trying to think of a nice way to say that she doubted he'd ever play as well as he sang, because one - he was an awesome singer, and two - it'd be hard to learn music and how to play a keyboard now, at this age. Apparently, it was best to start learning when you were four or something, although she'd started when she was eight. She couldn't imagine a little kid playing keyboard, or any instrument, but you did get some weird parents; the really pushy ones that were convinced their children would be the next Mozart and forced them to learn piano when they were practically still a baby.

She smiled awkwardly at Maddy, realizing how close they were sitting and feeling slightly awkward. She generally disliked being close to people, unless she really trusted them, and she didn't trust many people. But it would look rude if she stood up out of the blue or edged away or something. And if she was honest, Maddy scared her a little. It wasn't that he was particularly scary in his demeanour; it was just he was so damn tall. Technically, he wasn't particularly tall - there were guys here that were about six foot, and her psychiatrist was one of the tallest people she'd ever seen - but he was at least four inches bigger than her. She looked at him, trying to be subtle. He looked fairly strong; not like he was a sumo-wrestler or anything, just usual teenage boy, but that was strong compared to her. Leah wondered about the gym, and if they had weight machines there. It would be comforting to know that she could defend herself at least reasonably well if she got attacked by one of the psychos here.

He wasn't very good at writing? " That might make things a little more difficult, but it's still okay. How's your reading? " She tried to sound casual - judging by his face, he wasn't proud of it - but couldn't help looking at him curiously. How could you not be good at reading? There were a few kids at her old school that were dyslexic or something, and she wondered if that was what Maddy had. " Well... They're not words, like ones in a book. " Leah left it at that, trying not to scare him away. She could read music better than she could read words, after so much training - they just made sense to her - and she hoped that he could be the same, if he practised enough.

Standing up, she went back over to the keyboard, gesturing for him to take a seat while she stood behind. How had she begun to learn music? Her teacher had made her do endless exercises that drove her mad; scales to help you remember the notes or something. She could still remember all of the basic ones - she still practised them, occasionally, because they sometimes popped up when you did grades. Leaning over Maddy's shoulder, she played the first one that she could think of, which was basic. It was just hitting A, C, E and G with one hand on the left, and B, D and F with the right hand, the pitches contrasting to make the most irritating sound. " That's a basic scale...pretty damn annoying. You try it. " She played it twice more, before stepping back and letting him try.