break out the scalpels [jess]

[Dr. Jarrad Murdock]

Jarrad entered the room and walked down the aisle between the two rows of bed, glancing into each one as he passed. All were empty, save the one at the end, which contained his next patient. From what he had read about her, suicide had been inevitable. Easily riled, sensitive to insults, melodramatic... it had to happen sooner or later. Unfortunately, it had happened while under his care. He reached Jessica's bed and dropped into a seat, watching her for a few moments before coughing gently to let her know he was here.

He had never spoken to the girl before. He had read the file, and from what he could see, she was a spoiled brat. It sounded like Morph Brown had agreed with that conclusion as well, the way he had reacted when Jarrad had mentioned her. He would have to go carefully around this one, and make sure he didn't push her too hard. He didn't want to make her snap. Except, of course, she already had. She just wasn't beyond repair yet, and repair her he would, he had already made up his mind on that count.

Jarrad removed his jacket, still watching the girl in the bed, a drip connecting the back of her hand to a machine which beeped occasionally. Jarrad wished he could turn it off, but that wouldn't be a good idea. Hanging his jacket carefully over the back of his chair, he rolled up his sleeves and sat in silence, toying with the ring on his finger as he waited for her to acknowledge his presence. He had read that she was phobic of hospitals, and this place was enough like one to cause some serious distress. Maybe she'd be too preoccupied with other things to notice, but he doubted that. Even if she didn't realise what caused it, she'd be scared, or at least nervous.

[Jessica Air]

There was someone else in the room, she realized foggily. Her mind was hazed by the drugs that were going through her veins; it took her a moment to command her eyes to look and see who. 'Not Peter...please.' Thank God, it wasn't. She didn't recognise the man, and frowned at him, trying to work out who he was. A doctor? She didn't want it to be...they hurt her. The thought reminded her of the drip in her hand, and she tried to control her breathing, which quickly became erratic when she thought about her location. In a hospital... What was the drip doing? Giving her calories? She looked, suddenly struck by a fear that there might be blood in the bag. Mercifully, it wasn't clear, and she couldn't see the contents.

She continued staring at the doctor, wondering what he was going to do to her. Hurt her? Most likely. Jess fidgeted in her bed, edging away from Jarrad. Opening her mouth, she tried to think of something to say. The only thing she could come up with was "Am I in trouble?" The same thing she'd asked Dr. Ivrie. It seemed like so long ago she'd last broken the mirror; last cut herself, although not deliberately. It was only a week, she realized. What had happened during that week to make her...do that? Jessica wasn't sure. She tried to think back, but all she could remember was being at lunch, and then leaving...and something about Yvonne. The memory made her cringe. How had she said that?

It was scary to think that she was such a bitch at times. However, she supposed, it was allowed to be a bitch when you were attempting to kill yourself and someone came along and ruined it. She felt that she should ask, though... "Is Yvonne okay? She...helped me, I guess..." She hated admitting that people had helped her... Jess was dangerously close to crying again, and she wiped her eyes with her good hand, embarrassed to be in such a state in front of a guy. She whispered an apology, keeping her eyes fixed on the blanket that was covering her. 'Just stop crying...'

[Dr. Jarrad Murdock]

He smiled at her when she opened her eyes, but waited for her to speak first. He didn't want to overwhelm her when she had just woken up. "No, Jess, you're not in trouble. My name's Jarrad, I'm a psychiatrist." He told her softly, examining her face. She looked... terrified, and her eyes were darting every which way. That would be the phobia of hospitals, then. "Relax, Jessica. You're not in any trouble. I know you don't like hospitals, but if you let them help you, you'll be out of here sooner," he added, still carefully scrutinizing her. She wasn't hysterical, at least. That was good, meant she'd be more open to discussion about it. Hopefully. He'd have to check her for depression, and quite possibly tell the doctors Hudson that some kind of protection was needed for all the mirrors in school now.

She spoke again, and he frowned for a second. Yvonne... oh, yes. The girl who had found Jess, her roommate. He had seen the CCTV, and he had to admit, Yvonne's actions had surprised her. She didn't seem the type to get so worried, especially about a girl who she claimed to hate with a passion, but, he supposed, she had been unable to stand by and let her die. That was good, lucky for her, for Jess, everyone involved. "Yvonne's fine. You're lucky she came along when she did. Much later, and you would have bled to death. She seems... very annoyed with you, and a little bit shocked, but she's OK. Shall I tell her thanks for you, or would you rather I asked her to come and visit you?" He left out the option of not thanking her at all. If Jess didn't, well. He'd have to have a word with her about gratitude, and not being a spoiled brat.

Looking up, he gazed out the window, not wanting to frighten his patient with intense staring. "Jess, do you mind telling me what happened that day? Before you broke the mirror, I mean. Did anything in particular happen to upset you, or was it a slow build up of things?"

[Jessica Air]

She was allowed to call him by his first name? That was cool. Her other doctor was a total jerk about things like that. It was probably disrespectful, or something. Was Jarrad trying to trick her into making a mistake so he could tie her to a chair, like Peter? Jessica frowned suspiciously, before reminding herself to stop being so damn paranoid. Like there wasn't reason for it, though. Relaxing a little, she smiled slightly. Well, at least she wasn't in trouble. "Well, can't I just go now?"

Her free hand moved over her left, touching the IV tube gently. Her wrists were bandaged, thank God; she would have fainted if she saw the scars. Jess considered ripping the tube out - she'd done it before - but couldn't bring herself to do it. She'd had enough blood for one day...for several days. A lifetime. Poor Yvonne... Jess felt some sympathy for her, surprisingly. If she'd walked in on her roommate committing suicide, she had no idea what she'd have done. Probably, run away, and pretend she'd never seen it. Well, that depended. If it was Morph, she'd have watched. And maybe laughed a bit. If only Morph would kill himself...that'd solve all her problems. Except the problem of Rio.

"I'm lucky? Actually, the attempted suicide sorta went as wrong as it could have." 'Like with me deciding I didn't want to die, halfway through,' she added silently. She was annoyed? Oooh, going back to her dorm would be fun. Squirming in the bed, she bit her lip. "Um...is it possible I can just stay here, then? Or...be moved to a different room? Because Yvonne is a bitch when annoyed..." Sighing, she shook her head. "She wouldn't visit, anyway. Wait... Visit? How long am I gonna be in here?" Her tone got slightly desperate. She couldn't cope with this for long...

Jess laughed mirthlessly. "Slow build up, I guess..." Should she mention everything that had happened? Tell him about Morph, and all the things he'd done and said? No. He'd do something about it, sure, but it would end in Morph getting pissed off with her and doing worse stuff. She considered mentioning Layla, before dismissing the idea entirely. No way was she doing that. Layla had told her specifically not to tell. Morph and Layla... "Morph and Layla shagged on the school field! In front of the school, during class!"

[Dr. Jarrad Murdock]

She smiled slightly at him. That was a good sign, and he made a mental note of it. He'd decided not to write anything down right now: he had a good memory, and making notes was likely to cause his patient distress, something that wasn't exactly beneficial to her at the best of times. He eyed her hand on the IV tube, wondering if he should warn her not to touch it. He wouldn't be surprised if she pulled it out; according to her records, it was exactly the kind of thing she would do, but she didn't seem to want to. He relaxed slightly. Another good sign.

At her words, he shrugged. "You'll be grateful later on, Jessica. Believe me, I went through the same thing," he told her, watching her face carefully for her reaction. Most depression victims or suicidal children relaxed when they heard that he knew how they felt. Others were convinced he was lying to them and became angry. It could go either way, but Jarrad was fairly confident it would be in his favour. Her next words his him mentally filing through what he had read of Yvonne Olzon. Conduct disorder, bitchy to the extreme. Ballerina. He wasn't surprised Jessica wanted to be moved, really. Conduct disorder kids were unpleasant at the best of times, and a suicidal girl who was enemies with one wasn't in for an easy time. "I think not, Jessica. Sorry." he said in answer to her question. "Of course, you'll have to stay here for a while; a week, at the least, but room changes won't happen, I'm afraid."

Her outburst had him raising his eyebrows. So, it was something to do with those two, was it? He could see Morph being involved. He'd never met Layla, but he wasn't surprised. From Morph's reaction, this result wasn't unexpected. "I'll follow that up, thank you, Jessica," he told her calmly. "And I assume that means that Morph and Layla were involved in this somehow? If there anyone else?"

[Jessica Air]

Jess played with the plastic, tugging on it gently and feeling a wave of sickness. Well, if it was calories, she'd take it out. "Um...what's in this?" If it was blood, she'd...probably faint. Of course, it might just be some weird, anti-depression medication, that she wasn't allowed to take by mouth. That'd be nice. It'd be nice not to be depressed, if she actually was.

Jarrad was wrong on both guesses; Jess wasn't relieved or angry. She just didn't care. "Oh, so you tried to kill yourself a bazillion years ago and got better, so I'll do the same thing? Right." She snorted, turning her head away to stare at the IV. Didn't they know that needles, blood and gore made her want to kill herself? They must have read her file, but they were just ignoring it. Probably to make her as discomfortable as possible; putting her off enough attempt. Well, it wasn't going to work. She'd slit her wrists again - just to spite them - and this time, in a place where Yvonne couldn't interrupt.

"I have to stay here for a frickin' WEEK?" Her voice was loud, angry. "No way. I don't need to, okay?" Jess ignored the refusal about room changes, too scared about the prospect of seven days in hell, a.k.a. the hospital. "Look, have you even read my file? Nosocomephobia!" There was a slight feeling of pride that she'd managed to pronounce the ridiculously long word, that was drowned out by fear. "I thought I could go after our session or something!" She turned her face away from the psychiatrist, her head buried in the pillow and a few tears making the fabric damp. She couldn't stay for an entire week. She just...couldn't.

His question, asking if Morph and Layla were involved, made her cry harder. Layla had said - and Jessica could remember the exact words, the exact inotation, everything about it - 'Tell anyone, and I won't stop until you're completely bald.' And Morph hadn't specifically threatened anything, but she knew that he wouldn't be happy if she told. "They didn't do anything! I swear! Nobody did!" Her voice was high-pitched and panicked, her breathing becoming faster. "Please, I promise they didn't do anything, don't say anything to them, please?" Her hand, previously fiddling with the IV tube, had gone to her hair protectively. If it all got pulled out...

[Dr. Jarrad Murdock]

He looked at her playing with the tube, and told her quietly, "I wouldn't advise taking that out, Jessica. It's providing you with painkillers." He ignored her other comment, deciding not to get involved with her petty jibes. Sitting back in his seat, he continued watching her closely, ready for her to try and pull out the drip. Hopefully, she was smarter than that, but he wasn't sure. A nurse walked past, and gave them a concerned look. Jarrad nodded to her, and she went on her way. There was a long moment of silence when he didn't speak at all. Not for lack of anything to say, but simply because he was allowing her time to calm down before he spoke again.

"I appreciate that you're uncomfortable in here, and we're doing our best to get you out as soon as possible, but we can't simply let you go when you're not well enough to be out. As soon as you're ready, we'll move you back to your dorm." He told her, watching her face. Then he added, almost as an afterthought, "Anything that you tell me in this session is between you, me, and the headteachers. Layla won't know if you mention her name, and Morph has been transferred to another psychiatric facility. A more secure one, due to his treatment of numerous pupils at this school. I am wondering whether your name should be included on the list of his... victims?" There. Hopefully, that should give her the confidence to tell him what had happened. They had the CCTV footage, but it didn't have sound. Jarrad wanted to know exactly what Morph and Riordan had to said to her. He wondered if she could remember the conversation word for word. Quite possibly: traumatic events were often remembered in more detail than everyday life was, after all.

[Jessica Air]

"Well, they aren't working." Jess gave a final, half-hearted tug on the tube before turning her head back to the psychiatrist, watching him in silence. Did painkillers have calories in? Of course. Everything did. She curled up into a small ball, her arms wrapped around her legs under the sheet, and moved her eyes from the psychiatrist to an unseen spot in the distance, trying to repress all her unpleasant thoughts. It was surprisingly easy.

She nodded when he told her she could move back to her dorm when she was ready; as far as Jess was concerned, she was ready now, but doctors tended not to agree about silly things like that. His mention of confidentiality made her eyes dart back to him, letting herself feel a glimmer of hope, before remembering that nothing was ever confidential, really. Sure, she could tell Jarrad anything -say, the 'incident' with Layla- but he wouldn't be able to do anything about it without letting her know that they knew what had happened. Then, of course, they'd punish Layla with isolation or something, but she'd get out, and then she'd hunt Jess down. No. Despite the satisfaction that would accompany telling, she didn't want to risk her hair. Nothing was worth that.

Morph was gone? She stayed completely still, her mind stuck on two words: he's gone. A few seconds passed, and Jess searched for words, not caring that she'd just been called a victim, or that Layla -and Rio, presumably- hadn't left. Morph was worse than either of them. Then both of them. "He's really gone? You promise?" Her small voice broke the silence after almost a minute, Jarrad's nod making her breathe out sharply. It felt as though all the tension that she had become accustomed to vanished at once; she was left trembling with a ridiculous sense of relief. The last few weeks had been too stressful to end so anti-climatically; she almost couldn't breathe, having gone completely weak.

There was so much she wanted to tell the teacher, all the little things that she hadn't been allowed -by Morph, of course- to tell anyone. "I don't know what to say," she wailed, not realizing she was crying until she spoke, her voice cracking. There was a box of tissues on the drawer beside her, someone apparently having realized that a suicidal patient might have reason to cry, and she wiped her eyes with one, sniffing. Where was she supposed to start? "He kept calling me Jess- a stupid name..." Hardly the worst thing he'd done, but one of the most humiliating. A sudden thought crossed her mind and she sat bolt upright, blinking at the dizziness she felt, presumably from the bloodloss. "I can dance! I mean...can I dance? Can I start classes again?" She was embarrassed by the pathetically hopeful tone in her voice, and the thought of actually dancing -going back into the studio- made her feel ill. But she could do it, with him being there...

[Dr. Jarrad Murdock]

He saw the look of hope dawn on her face, and knew he'd made the right decision. Morph was beyond their control, and while they had other students who were no doubt as bad as him, none of them had managed to drive anyone to suicide... well, Riordan had forced them to transfer the twins, but otherwise, the school was now far more Jessica Air-friendly. "Trust me, if you take that out, you'll be in a-" he restrained himself from saying 'hell of a lot' "-lot more pain than you are now," he told her coolly, still watching her like a hawk. "If that comes out, it's going right back in again. Another reason not to take it out," he added, flashing her a friendly smile with a lot of warning in it.

Then the bombshell landed, and her face almost lit up. His smile became genuine, and he sat back, watching her happiness for a moment. He moved to had her the tissues when he saw tears leaking out of her eyes, but she beat him to it. "That's OK. You're pleased about it, I'll give you a moment to... savour it," he told her. Her happiness was almost infectious, and he found himself smiling despite himself. "And yes, you can go back to dance class." He wondered whether to mention the fact that she'd still have to eat before meals, but decided against it. He didn't want to spoil her happiness at a moment like this, not while she was in hospital after a suicide attempt. He handed her another tissue, taking the used one and throwing it at the bin. He earned himself a tut from the nurse, but she didn't follow up, seeing as the balled-up paper landed squarely in the plastic box. Jarrad turned back to Jess. "Do you feel more comfortable... elaborating on details now, Jessica?"

[Jessica Air]

Sighing, she let the IV drop from her hands. The threat of pain didn't affect her nearly as much as the one of having the tube put back in, although she didn't know why she couldn't just take painkillers orally. Probably because she'd pretend to take them, and spit them out somewhere... No, the staff didn't know her that way. It was because they were sadistic idiots. Jess didn't return Jarrad's smile, staring at him was a glimmer of a challenge in her eyes. If she really wanted to not have the IV put back in, could he make her? Maybe.

"I'm not pleased," she sniffed. It was true. She was ecstatic, but he didn't need to know that. Jessica didn't want Jarrad thinking that she was some sad little girl that was pleased when the big bully left; she didn't care. Carefully, she composed her face, not quite able to stop the small smile on her lips. "There are only three dancers now... Yvonne -" the thought made her wince "- and that weird boy." She laughed slightly. They all did ballet; that was good. They didn't have to piss about with tap, just because Morph had done it.

At his request, she looked around the room, feeling sick. She'd promised not to tell; not that Jess had any problems with breaking her promises. It was what would happen as a consequence of her telling. "He said that he'd...hurt me if I told anyone what he did," she answered quietly, remembering that moment with a flush of humiliation. "And then he made me...y'know..." The memory made her fists clench. He'd told her that he'd rip all her hair or something if she didn't... Jarrad was the only person that knew what had occurred, she realized. The staff wouldn't let him do that again, would they? With a feeling of safety, she started talking again, her voice slurred by the painkillers that made her feel so tired... Was there that stuff, the thing that made you tell the truth in the medicine? Maybe. Jess didn't care.

"And Yvonne told him about...that I can't, um, read very well -" at all "- and he said I had to...do that again, or he'd tell people. And then he told Rio, last week... And they wouldn't let go of me, until security arrived, and then Morph wouldn't let go, although the woman told him to and he was squeezing my wrist and it hurt..." She finished, needing to breathe, her list of things he had done to her nowhere near complete. Rio hadn't left, though, had he? Jessica hesitated before mentioning what had happened with him, not wanting to get into trouble. "And Rio told me that he was someone else -before, um, what happened last week- and I sorta...slept with him, and then he said all this horrible stuff and told Morph about it..."

It took a minute of gathering her courage before she could speak. She'd told about what happened with Rio, but that was different; he hadn't expressively threatened her with anything. But Layla had. "And a thing happened with Layla," she continued, quietly. "She -in the laundry room- hurt me." There was no way she could bring herself to share the truth of what she had done; it was too humiliating. "But she said if I told any staff, ever, she'd...do what she did then, but more, so please don't do anything about it, because I have to see her every morning..."

[Dr. Jarrad Murdock]

He gave a satisfied nod when she dropped the IV tube, and sat in silence, waiting for her to talk to him. She was obviously pleased; more pleased, perhaps, than even she realised. Jarrad listened to her, carefully. She appeared to be building up the courage to talk to him, and he was willing to wait patiently for her to gather her strength. He didn't want to rush her. At least there seemed to be an improvement; she seemed more happy to talk to him now the immediate threat of Morph was gone, and now that she'd relaxed a little.

He listened to her intently. It was nothing he hadn't heard before; often, males would use any advantage they had to get laid, and Morph had seemed the epitome of this. He was hardly surprised that she didn't want to talk about it. Even so, he needed more details than just 'you know'. "Can you tell me any more, Jess? What did he threaten to do to you?" He hoped he'd get a clear, concise answer. He didn't want to spend his whole day here, trying to get a hysterical girl to tell him about her sexual, physical and mental abuse.

He nodded again. She was dyslexic, he knew that much, and apparently it was a very sore point for her. "Jessica, I'm going to write this down," he told her calmly. "And I'm going to show it to the other psychiatrists. We'll have to punish Layla for what she did, but we won't tell her you told us. It could just as easily have been witnessed by another student, or by security cameras. Don't let her come near you in isolated areas; if that happens, call for help, OK? We'll do our best to keep you safe, but you have to help us, or we can't do anything. The same with Riordan, and his psychiatrist might want to add an additional punishment on top of that. If any students give you trouble, come straight to me and I'll sort it out." His little speech done, Jarrad sat back in his chair, watching her closely as he pulled a notebook out of his pocket. Turning his eyes away from her for a second, he started scribbling on the paper in his illegible writing.

[Jessica Air]

"What he threatened? Well, the first time, it was...let's see." She feigned thought. "Oh yes! It was...ripping all my hair out and making me eat it." Jess sat upright, glaring at the psychiatrist. Idiot. "It stayed pretty much the same the next few times, and then it was telling everyone that I couldn't read if I didn't." What was the point of her telling him all this stuff, anyway? Morph was gone. He couldn't be punished; it was too late for that. "Oh, and then there were the ones over chat. They mainly involved forcing me to eat. Cake." She stayed sitting cross-legged, upright, glowering at Jarrad. "Why, exactly, do you need to know all that?" It was tempting to cry again, and she'd only just stopped... If he wanted to know about what precisely Morph had made her do...well, she would end up crying. And maybe hiding under the bed.

His mention of writing only made her tenser, more agitated. Just because I can't read... He was rubbing it in, Jess decided. Just to piss her off. "Layla's going to go mental," she declared, flatly. "And calling for help didn't help much last time, did it? Anyway...it was about a month ago. I don't care anymore." It was more than a month ago; a month and a half. Almost two... She hadn't spoken a single word to the girl, except for on chat - and that was an accident. If Layla got all pissed again...it'd just be painful, and pointless. "I'm sure you will," she agreed in response to his 'I'll sort it out'. Her voice stayed the same dull, flat tone; obvious she didn't cohere with his words but couldn't be bothered to argue.

Jess' mind was spinning around all the small injustices -mostly related to Morph- that she wanted to tell Jarrad. There were just so many; she wasn't sure where to start. If she even was going to tell. After all, he could still be at St. Dympha's, for all she knew. Jarrad might just be lying to her... "And he always threatened me on chat. But not...explicitly. More..." she sighed with frustration. "Like... We were arguing, about something, and he made me agree with him..." It didn't sound right, and Jess began to wish she hadn't spoken. "He just said all this stupid stuff and ambiguous threats until I agreed... Never mind." There wasn't a good way to describe what, exactly, had happened; the remembered humiliation of having to go along with what he said was making her blush.