never . say . never [open !]

[riverlovett]

It was a bad day.

She had learned that there were two ways to describe her days, good and bad. Simple, yet not. Good days were when she could converse with others and let some of the spunk that her new guardian, Laina, said was her 'cheekiness', but eveyr time she let some slip Laina always got so happy. She didn't quite understand why, she was being cruel when she talked back, wasn't she? Staying here made all her thoughts jumbled about what was good and what was bad. She was told that her father's treatment was bad, that she wasn't supposed to abide by the rules that he set for her. Everyone said so, the therapist she had arrived with, the people who she had brushed up next to when she first met. Yet, it wasn't what she knew. She knew that she was worthless, like he said, wasn't she?

Bad days were when she had to dwell on such thoughts. When her mind went into overdrive and everything she knew got twisted. Bad days were days when shehad to bleed out all the bad emotions. But they weren't letting her here. It was a bad thing, or so they said. She knew that it was just because they didn't get it, hadn't tried it before. The therapists insisted that it wasn't healthy, but it kept her from letting the emotions overwealm her, and she didn't box her emotions up, she let them bleed out, so it was healthy, was it not? Either way, they weren't allowed her the objects that she needed to make herself feel better and that made her keep the bad emotions in. No slash of pain to draw her focus elsewhere, no slow, jagged, agony against her wrist as all of the bad things she felt washed away with a simple swipe.

River Lovett sighed as she slid down to the ground on the base of a tree. She had found that the garden on the proprety was very peaceful. She had tried to sit in the art room, but it was loud if others were there and it was often busy. She had tried the courtyard, but there was no where to sit and be alone. Hell, she wasn't even alone in the garden, she was hyperaware of a guard that was hovering throughout the garden to make sure nobody was hanging themselves on a tree. It was the best she could do without being bothered with the people who truly deserved to be here. There were peole here that were truly crazy. There were people, unlike herself, that needed help. She just dealt with a lot of emotion and once and a while got a bit short of breath with a panic attack about something that happened with her father. She didn't understand the attacks, she had given up to the fact that Father was always right and that she was just a worthless bitch and the reason her mother had left, so she didn't quite get why it was something like that she was reminded of. It wasn't bad, she was just dealt with in a different way then some other parents dealt with their children.

River ran her fingers on the soft oak of the tree, angry at the fact that there wasn't even any loose pieces of bark she could rip off and dig into her skin. She had a particulairly bad nightmare the previous night, and she was displeased with the fact that, even despite her insisting, she was not given anything sharp enough to allow herself to get rid of the bad emotions.

She hated nightmares. They weren't that bad, usually, because they were just memories of what happened with her father in her discipline, which was something she had resigned herself to and it only left her in a cold sweat when she woke up. The nightmare that really made her scream was always one where her mother was torn away from her. River dug her fingers into her palms as the memory of her mother flitted into her mind.

Now her mother, that was someone who would understand her. Sure, she hadn't started to release her feelings with a blade until after her mother had been taken away, but Mum would have understanded now. She had fond memories of her mother in her lucid periods, while she had her bad moments in which River remembered as a child, when her mother would hide in the bedroom and scream that the government was out to get her, many of the memories of when she wasn't seeing dark shadows everywhere and screaming about spies were good. One of her favorites was when her mother had helped her make a bear. They had bought a kit and had made the bear together, stuffing it with the pre-packaged stuffing into the too-big cover for the bear, and slowly sewing the edges by hand because Father had taken away the sewing machine long ago. She had named the bear Aristotle and she had been happy. Of course, that memory led to one of her worse memories of her mother, of when she was screaming that the bears eyes had tiny cameras in them, and had ripped off the bear's head, but everyone had their bad moments, didn't they?

River allowed herself to smile as she felt her nails dig into her palm and allowed herself to be taken out of the memory and placed back in the real world. She leaned her head back against the tree and savored the pain as her fingernails dug into her skin. Despite how short they had been cut, the nails were still hard enough to give enough pain to make her somewhat happy, but longing for more.

She opened her fists quickly as she realized that someone could be watching and casually pulled down the edges of her longer, form-fitting black long-sleeved shirt that she had pulled on after classes. She allowed a quick glance at her handywork - four new crescent-shaped scars on each hand minging with the fading scars of other cresent-shape grooves. They never cut deep enough to scar enough, but gave enough pain that she could relax a little bit.

River grumbled something under her breath and pulled one of her knees up to her chest, dangling her arm over it and using her other hand to brush back a strand of black hair. She wondered how long until someone would come upon her small, hidden spot in the garden.

[/size]

as far as 1095 words. the eye can see im wearing. under your command open. i will be finished. your guardian REAL SLIM SHADY !? @ caution 2.0

[/color]. never say never nottteessss.[/blockquote][/size][/center]

[Lorelei Wyatt]

Chipped, short-cut nails scraped along the ground, mud building up underneath them, shredding blades of grass in their movement. The blonde brushed the mud off her hand and repeated the movement, digging her fingertips into the earth and dragging them back towards her. There were already four deep grooves in the ground in front of where she sat, getting deeper by the minute. Her hands were getting blacker and blacker, but she ignored the filth coating her fingers and continued to pull out clots of earth, brow furrowed as she concentrated. When the scores were too deep for her fingers to reach the bottom, she worked on the edges, patting them smooth, rounding the tops and pulling out stray shards of grass. The work had absorbed her, held her concentration in a grip of iron. Eyes narrowed against the glare of the sun, the blonde shaped her earth to her liking, fingers coated in a fine dusting of black dirt.

Once the furrows were completed to perfection, Lorelei Wyatt raised her head, blinking as the colours in her vision went from black earth and vivid green grass to burning yellow sun and bright blue sky. It was warm out, and her felt her eyelids fluttering, but she forced them to stay open. She had to stay awake. Couldn't sleep. Wouldn't. Biting her lip, she wondered if getting out of the warmth would help her stay awake. It was worth a try... Pushing herself gracefully off the ground, she cast around for some shade, but the only place she could see was a massive oak tree. There was a small figure sat, dwarfed by the oak's enormous trunk. She didn't fancy company at the moment, although it would keep her awake, listening to people talk. The tree's shadow stretched quite a way, though; she could sit down in the cooler shade, and avoid the other girl's company easily enough.

Flopping down on the cool grass, she crossed her legs and leaned forwards, determined to get into the most uncomfortable position possible. Even so, her eyes felt so damn heavy, she couldn't keep them open... Lorelei slumped to the side, her head hitting the grass with a soft thud as she fell asleep. Her hands slackened in her sleep, her forehead became less creased, her mouth opened slightly. She looked peaceful. Then a change overcame her. She stiffened, her eyes flew open, staring wildly at something only she could see. A tiny whimper escaped her mouth, but she didn't move. She wasn't even trembling, just lying there, staring. The whimper came back, louder this time, growing into a high pitched, keening shriek that sent birds flapping away.

As quickly as it had come, the scream ended, and Lorelei sat bold upright, shaking violently, tears dripping down her face. They had said, they had said it was going to get better when she came here, but it hadn't and she didn't know what to do. She couldn't sleep, couldn't speak, could only watch and scream. And that was what they called 'better', was it? Well, she'd only been here a few days. Maybe they'd be true to their word. Maybe she would get better, perhaps the psychiatrists here were better than her old one. But she doubted it, as much as she'd love to believe that they could make this all go away.

She brushed the tears from her cheeks, pressing her lips together to prevent any more coming. The girl by the tree would probably come over now, probably come over and talk to her and expect her to talk back. Ask her what had happened. And she couldn't explain. Even she didn't know. They called it night terrors... it wasn't just that. It was insanity, pure and simple. They said she had 'conditions', said she could recover, said she'd be fine... she was insane. The kids at school had said that, people always said it, not aloud, but the way they looked at her... well, now she was in the right place. Locked up in the loony bin with the nutters.

Lorelei buried her head in her hands, her body shaking with sobs. She just wanted to sleep! Was that really so much? Couldn't her mind allow her this one, brief respite from all the confusion and pain? She couldn't even remember what had happened, and she was capable of having nightmares about it. Not that she remembered the nightmares; they were gone as soon as she awoke, completely unmemorable, and yet, every time the paralysis wore off, she had tears on her face and a throat raw from screaming.

[riverlovett]

Why did life turn out this way?

It was often a question that River thought about as she sat, hidden in the corner of her room, pretending to be asleep just so she didn't have to listen to her mother screaming that her stuffed toys were actually spies when she was little. She hadn't understood why her mother was screaming that someone was trying to get to her, but she did understand when her mother pointed at her bears and screamed at them. Something had been wrong with her mum, she had known, but taking her away from River had not been the right answer, she had always told herself. Her mother could have been saved with just a little medication to keep her lucid periods longer. She was just fine when she wasn't upset, but it was all the fault of whomever had made her sick. When River had been younger, her mother had taken her to church on the Sunday's when she was lucid and River had just sat there and prayed for her mother to get better.

She never did.

Things had never turned out the way that she had hoped. When she was young and just trying to be good and avoid her fathers discipline, there was always something wrong. The therapist that had refered her to St.Dympha's said that she hadn't even been doing anything wrong, but instead she was just being punished for whatever made Father upset, but she wasn't quite sure. She had hoped that she could be good for her father, and when she did something that he had liked, which was far and in-between, he had been very happy with her. Was it a crime for her to want him to be happy?

River twisted the sleeves around her wrists so they dipped over her hands, covering the small crescent-shaped marks on her hands. She pressed one of her sleeve-covered hands onto her face and brushed a loose piece of hair back. She never cut her hair, really, it was just choppy on the edges from where her father had gotten mad a few months before he had been arrested and he had taken some scissors and cut off the long hair that fell down her back. She had liked her hair, it was something she remembered of her mother - her mother used to always play with her hair when she was acting normally. He had been angry, she had done something bad - talked a bit too loud back at him, and he had taken the scissors and cut her hair so it reached just past her shoulders. It had grown a bit, now reaching about mid-back, but it wasn't the same. The edges were sitll rather jagged and if you straightened the waves completely you'd see a few chunks way shorter than the others. It was usually pretty masked by the waves, but it was never quite perfect. She didn't know why she suddenly found herself dwelling on her hair, but she did.

She startled at the sound of a loud shriek somewhat close to her and jumped from her spot, landing on her arms and knees as she fell forward at the sudden change of altitude. She was supposed to be careful when she stood after she had inflicted pain to herself, she had known that, but sometimes it surprised her and she would get dizzy. River had learned that blood loss made her a bit more wobbly so she had to mask it better here. While she hadn't let herself bleed, sometimes the pain would give the same result. She would rather be wobbly and happy then going back to completely clear and bottling up her emotions. It was much more...sane, she decided.

River found herself looking around, completely confused on to where she was looking before her eyes landed on a figure infront of her. She frowned as she noticed the silent sobs that racked the other girl who sat a bit away from her, hidden by the shade from the giant oak that River had been leaning against just moments before. Now that...She thought to herself. ..is someone who could benefit from pain.. She found herself gravitating forward towards the girl, more curious as to wh the girl sobbed and screamed than anything.

She found herself rubbed against some of the older scars that was just peeking out from the bandages that they had placed on her arms to help heal the cuts that were still fresh underneath when she had arrived. A sudden wonder if she had looked the same to that girl when she cried flitted through her mind and she found herself longing to get a knife again.

River quickly dug her fingernails into her palms, taking a deep breath and exhaling as she found the pain that center her. She allowed the feeling of pain to go through her nerves and she continued forward again. See... She moved closer and sunk down next to the other girl before she said anything.that is why I should be allowed my knife. Pain makes me feel much better and so much more normal.. However she knew if she voiced her opinon she'd get in trouble from the doctors and she didn't want that. Best to just pretend she was getting better until they let her go and she had a full spread of items to use to cause pain.

She brought herself back to the present and glanced at the girl that she had sat accross from, turning to face her. She managed a smile at the sobbing girl, hoping to off some sort of comfort, but unsure on how to. "Hello. She found her voice and figured an introduction wouldn't hurt. "My name is River.

She had always hated her middle name, and when she had proudly told the therapist that she had before of her last name, she had gotten a sad look in her eyes and told River that she was no longer a Lovett. She didn't quite get it, after all, her father was always droning on and on about the rules of being a Lovett and that no Lovett should behave as she did, but she figured she'd just introduce her first name and screw any other formalities, just so that everyone was happy.

When she had started wanting others to be happy she didn't know.

River glanced nervously at the girl and twisted the strand of hair closest to her finger, chewing on her lower lip. "...are you okay?" She managed to ask, remembering the standard formality that her father had stuck in her head and decided to refrain from using the big words yet. Not many people liked the big words.

[/size]

as far as 1143 words. the eye can see im wearing. under your command miss lorelei wyatt. i will be finished. your guardian REAL SLIM SHADY !? @ caution 2.0

[/color]. never say never nottteessss.[/blockquote][/size][/center]

[Lorelei Wyatt]

Lorelei hugged her knees to her chest, buried her face in them, and cried. Soon enough, her kneecaps were soaked, through her thick jeans. She gulped, trying to stop the flood of tears, knowing when she looked up that someone would be there, standing over her and pulling the concerned face she always got when she was found crying. Asking her what was wrong. And she wished, oh how badly she wished she could tell them! Her head ached, her throat stung, her arms ashed from being so tense, her jaw throbbed where she had clenched her teeth so tightly together... and that was just at the moment. There was more; she couldn't remember after her ninth birthday, nothing but blankness. And she'd come back from that blankness to be told she'd been raped, her parents had died, and she couldn't speak. She took a deep breath of the thick air in between her mouth and her legs, trying to control her wild gasps.

The voice made her jump, and her head whipped up. She scrambled back, falling over as soon as she tried to stand, and ended up crouched on the ground, hands clawing into the ground in her panic. After a second, she realised that it was only another girl, not... whatever she'd thought it was. Relaxing slightly, she gave River a faint, watery smile, dropping back onto her butt as she sat down properly, listening to the other girl. She seemed sad, somehow, but Lorelei couldn't work out why, or what was wrong.

Lorelei's smile faded, and she shrugged, a tiny movement that was barely perceptible. Looking up at River, she opened her mouth, hoping something would happen. Some sound had to come out, it had to, she had to be able to speak, everyone else could so why couldn't she it wasn't fair and... nothing came out. Her mouth formed the word 'Lorelei' over and over in utter silence. After a few seconds of this, she gave up and turned her face away, her whole body slumping hopelessly into itself and she stared blankly out across the fields. River would give up and go now. Everyone did. They always did, just leaving her to wonder why she was so different.