Scared of therapy (Jarrad)

[Laura Richardson]

Laura had been standing outside the office for what felt like twenty years. She had a hand raised to knock, but she didn’t. Laura had heard about Doctor Murdock, and she was worried. If he could make Morph do things he didn’t want to do (she wasn’t entirely sure what an STD was, but she was fairly sure it wasn’t good,) she didn’t stand a chance. That was bad. What if she hurt someone because he didn’t realise?

Laura knocked on the door, then realised that was a bad idea if she wanted to get out of this session… maybe she could go to Doctor Hudson instead and ask if she could have normal therapy? She didn’t like Normal Therapy, but therapy with other people was scary. Especially people who managed to get Morph Brown to do things. Knocking on his door instead, Laura quickly stepped inside and looked hopefully at the man doing paperwork behind the desk. “I… um….” Suddenly this looked like not such a good plan. “I was… can I have therapy with you? Please. Instead of…” Laura waved her hand in the direction of Doctor Murdock’s office and looked pleading.

“No.” Getting up, Gabe escorted Laura reluctantly from the room, knocking on Doctor Murdock’s door for the second time in ten minutes. Opening it, he waved Laura inside and went back to his paperwork.

Laura folded her arms across her chest and gnawed her lip, watching Doctor Murdock as if he was about to leap up and bite her. There was no real reason to be so nervous, but she decided to go for the same plan as she’d had for therapy anyway. Her fingers itched to draw and Laura wondered if that was allowed. It hadn’t been allowed at her foster parent’s house when people wanted to talk to you…

[Dr. Jarrad Murdock]

Jarrad looked up at the first knock. "Come in," he said, just loudly enough for the person on the other side of the door to hear, but no-one entered. He glanced back down at the file he'd been reading. In all likelihood, it had been Laura, his next patient, who had then decided to make him come out and get her. Gabriel had said something about her doing that to him before, so Jarrad was hardly surprised. Still, it would be nice if his first two patients had made things easier, not harder, for him. A grim smile came to his face when he recalled the last session. He had bought it up in the staff room, and the story had been received with joy. Apparently the boy was extremely difficult.. and Jarrad had got him to have an STD check without even being forced to threaten to call security. It was things like that that made Jarrad glad he was a psychiatrist. The other psychiatrists had apparently properly accepted him as a fully-fledged colleague of theirs, which was also nice.

He waited for five more minutes, wondering if Laura would come in of her own accord if he waited. Soon enough, there was another knock, and he repeated his previous request. When the door opened, it was in fact not just Laura, but Gabriel Hudson standing there. Apparently, she had gone to him instead of Jarrad. Interesting. He nodded at Gabe, who gave him a quick smile in return before leaving, closing the door behind him. Gesturing to the seat, he smiled at Laura. "Hello, Laura. My name's Jarrad Murdock, as I'm sure you already know. How are you feeling today?" Apparently, it was imperative to tread carefully around this girl. He sat back in his seat, resting his hands on the desk, and watched her, his face bland.

[Laura Richardson]

Laura bit her lip and sat down when he indicated. Just a little harder and she’d be able to taste blood—no. Laura decided against it, this new person was unpredictable. Would he hit her? If she was bad enough most people would. She wanted to just leave it and go and find Rio, but it was important to try and do things she’d decided to do so…

“I’m ok…” Laura watched Doctor Murdock mistrustfully. “Are you ok?” She’d start with her plan later, in a minute when he was less scary. Maybe. Besides, he wouldn’t know the difference. She swung her legs, which didn’t quite touch the ground, and contemplated her options. He’d probably want to know why Doctor Hudson had made her come instead of her being here on her own and she didn’t want the answer to be ‘because I’m scared.’ That would be silly, probably. So she had to come up with something else. Or hope he didn’t ask. She decided on the second option as she discovered her fingers were already in her mouth and being gnawed on.

On the upside they weren’t bleeding yet, so she took them out of her mouth and examined them as discreetly as possible, wiping them on her skirt. She hadn’t meant to do that. Would she be in trouble? She got in trouble with her other psychiatrist when she did that, she hadn’t liked Laura getting hurt. No matter how many times Laura had explained, the psychiatrist lady hadn’t understood. Don’t want to hurt. Have to hurt. There was a difference. “Do you believe me?” She asked, abruptly, keeping her eyes on her hands. Well, if he answered, it would clear it up. If he didn’t… well, it didn’t matter. Either way she was going to follow her plan. Her plan had worked when she lived with her uncle… no reason for it not to now. Right?

[Dr. Jarrad Murdock]

Jarrad nodded calmly, tapping his fingers lightly on the desk. "I'm OK, thank you Laura," he replied. "Laura, can you tell me why Dr Hudson had to bring you in, rather than you coming on your own?" In all honesty, the answer was probably because she was terrified. A lot of children in situations similar to hers were frightened of change; new people, new places, new routines... all if it was bad, from their perspective. But it was possible there was a different answer, and Jarrad hated guessing, or jumping to conclusions. Informed guesses were bad enough; uninformed ones were just... idiotic, meaningless, and troublesome.

He glanced at her fingers, instinctively checking for blood. He'd had patients before who did this; chewed their nails until they bled, something Laura had been reported to do, or pulled on their hair until it came out, or simply scratched themselves under the desk, where they thought he couldn't see. In this case, he couldn't see any blood, which was good, but that didn't mean that there wouldn't be. Folding his arms, he eyed her critically. She showed distinct signs of nerves; chewing on her nails, shifting in her chair, eyes darting around the room. He moved forwards, scrawled something on his paper in handwriting that was only legible to him, and even then only for a few hours after the session, while the memory was still fresh in his mind. Nervous. Showed signs of fear.

Then he looked up at the little girl in front of him, deciding to tackle her question at last. "Laura, that's what I'm here to find out. What you're right about and what you're wrong about," he told her finally. "I'm here to help you, and that's the main thing." Dropping his pen, he sat back in his seat, surveying her thoughtfully. He'd never seen a case quite like this one, and to be honest, she fascinated him. Apparently, definitions of evil had no effect on her; nor did counseling, although it hadn't been long since she'd been separated from her uncle. Maybe if they dealt with the Stockholm syndrome, it would lead them somewhere towards unraveling the whole belief she had. Then she could overcome the trauma, and hopefully, she'd recover. He'd mentioned this to Gabriel, who had agreed, and Jarrad felt that it was quite a good idea. Outright attacks on her uncle weren't advisable, he remembered, and neither was mentioning friends. Well, he was in for a challenge here, that was for sure.

[Laura Richardson]

Laura stared at him, completely stuck for an answer. In that case… time to get on with The Plan. At least he looked a little more likely to hit her when she was being annoying. “Not telling.” She said, in a sing-songy voice. Her nails went back in her mouth as she plastered on a smile. It wasn’t convincing, even she knew that, but… she had to get out of here or at least persuade someone into slapping her. Even if all she wanted was to do as she was told.

Deciding she may as well be hanged for an elephant as an ant, she hopped out of the chair and wandered to the furthest corner of the room. “I’m not telling…” she tried to disguise the fact she was trembling and sure she’d keel over from sheer stress by sticking her fingers back in her mouth and chewing them decidedly. Who cared if they bled? He didn’t want her to do it. Her stomach flipped and she felt sick. What if he didn’t hit her and something else happened? She could feel the colour draining from her face, so she hitched the smile up and pressed her back to the corner. “How can you help me if you don’t believe me?” That at least was a genuine question and Laura nearly kicked herself. Oh well, some people hated questions.

She bit down hard on her finger, still shaking. She was trying to stop herself seeming so scared. “I want to go home.” She said with a little more than a tremble in her voice. How this would help him hit her she didn’t know, but when you threw a tantrum sometimes people did. And she’d decided to do this so… Laura stamped her foot. She was still white as a sheet, unsure what to do. She needed someone to believe her. Well… she’d settle for them hurting her. She had to get rid of all this evil before something happened. Rio was nice, but she couldn’t ask him all the time. That was mean. She couldn’t keep having ‘accidents’ either. So this was as good as it was going to get. She didn’t want to hurt anyone.

Laura pressed her back to the corner and folded her other arm across her stomach to stop it shaking quite so obviously. She bit hard on her fingers again and wondered if tears could be part of this tantrum. No, too dangerous. “I want to go home!” Her voice rose in pitch, still wobbling. At least it wasn’t a lie. Her uncle had told her to keep the rules no matter what. So she was. Laura only hoped this was enough. It helped she was scared of this man anyway.

[Dr. Jarrad Murdock]

Jarrad returned her smile with one slightly, although not by much, more convincing, folding his arms and tapping his fingers in the crook of his elbow. The acting up was... unexpected. He made a mental note of it, and thought for a moment. Oh-kay... best not to make a fuss, he decided. It would waste time, and that was probably exactly what she wanted; that or, as he'd read reports of her doing, try to make him so angry with her he would hit her. How she thought that any trained psychiatrist would have as little self-control as to do that, he didn't know, but this was a severely damaged child he was dealing with. Who knew what she thought of people?

He nodded once, a quick movement, simply to show that he'd heard and understood and stared at her thoughtfully. "OK then," he began, but was interrupted by her next sentence. He didn't continue; that question required thought, and he had to show her that he was willing to listen and think about her questions. "Well, that's what we're here to find out, Laura. I'm going to try and help you, and who knows? Maybe I'll be proved wrong," he said after a brief moment's thought, watching carefully for her reaction. "I'm afraid you can't go home. You're not allowed. Now, sit down, stop chewing your fingers, and listen to me. I'm going to ask you some questions, and you're going to answer them truthfully." Hopefully, assertiveness was the best way to get through to her. It often was, with people with her conditions; you told them was to do, and they would grab onto that and hold on.

Now to move onto the questions. With his usual bluntness, he began. "Tell me. When your uncle first took you to America, were you allowed to leave the house, or did the isolation occur straight away?" He had to find out how long she'd been isolated from the rest of the world. "And when did he first start talking about you being evil? How did you react at first?" Hopefully, he wasn't coming on too strong, or he'd have a hysterical girl on his hands, a situation he sorely wanted to avoid. Not that he hadn't handled them before, but hysterical children were... difficult. Give him an angry sadist, any day.

[Laura Richardson]

Laura’s tantrum stopped in its tracks. She had to do as she was told. There was no longer room in her brain for anything else. End of argument. She didn’t want to stop, not at all. She wanted… Laura didn’t even know what she wanted. She didn’t want him to hit her. But she had to keep people from getting hurt. Laura didn’t know. She wasn’t sure. And they’d all tell her the wrong answer. They didn’t know the rules. Laura needed her uncle. Badly.

She sat down in her corner just a little too fast, curling her knees up to her chest. While she stopped chewing her fingers, they stayed in her mouth. He never told her to take them out of her mouth, but did he mean her to? She wasn’t sure what to do that would be right. What could she do? Staring over her knees at him she enjoyed the momentary feeling of almost security that came of knowing what to do. Well… nearly. She was sat, not chewing and listening. For the moment she was also mostly calm, possibly the fastest transformation from her previous state in history. She wanted to ask why she wasn’t allowed. But he said he’d ask her questions, so she couldn’t ask him questions until he did. That was what he said would happen, and so it was. That was all there was.

“I… um…” What? Why was he asking her that? Laura wanted to say she could have left at any time if she’d wanted, but was that truthful? She didn’t know. Laura had never wanted to leave until the one day she had. “I didn’t go out. But I didn’t want to, I didn’t want people to get hurt.” There. That explained that. Next question. She wasn’t sure. Her uncle had never said she wasn’t allowed… just that she didn’t want to hurt people. And she agreed, hurting people was bad. “Um…” She watched Doctor Murdock worridley for a moment. “I’ve always been evil. And I always knew it. He just explained more after I came here. He thought I might only be a little bit at first, but then he realised and it wasn’t safe for me to be out in the world. With people. But I wasn’t really meant to touch people and things when I lived in England.” Katie.. “I mean I couldn’t have friends and things. But we didn’t realise I was all evil. So we had to try and make it right.” She nodded decisively. That was as good as the explaining was going to get.